Get here now. This is going to be possibly my most dangerous idea ever, and I'm the guy who challenged a hobo to a breakdance fight.
I come back into the room and you're grinding with the person in the mascot suit.
I can't live in this building much longer. People are starting to figure out that it's me making the weird sex noises.
Bartender at the wedding asked if he was making my drinks too strong. I laughed at him.
It got heated then she just left and I was all alone in the women's restroom.
Don't you judge us. Sockets make ideal bowls
You know I'm dangerous when I have make-out withdrawals
Somehow she talked me into getting my dick pierced, weird first date.
I'm trying to be all porn star and he's making it all The Notebook
I just can't have sex in the car again. it's just too much
Well my parents know I get medical Cannabis they saw me on the news at the dispensary
We laughed, we cried, we fucked, we shirked our familial and work related responsibilities. They could make a movie about the last 40 hours of our lives.
I walked in on my sister eating my leftover burrito naked. How could my night have gotten any worse?
The awkward moment when you're leaving the most attractive guy you've ever been with and you're trying not to shit on yourself. Fucking welcome to my life
Fuck you, i'm all jacked up on bananas lets go somewhere
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