you just broke rule number 1. If you can't lift her up don't date her
i'm waiting for the less fat version of him to text me
Soo I got blood taken today and when the doctor came back with the results she said "you aren't sick but the tests show that you are currently drunk..."
One of the bamboo sticks broke and impaled him. I think he's drunk enough that it shouldn't hurt until tomorrow.
Word is he has some crazy hawaiian STD
using blue streamers we found on the bathroom floor was probably not the best substitute for toilet paper.
Trying to take a shit right now to the beat of the fuckin drumcircle outside... It's not goin well
The fact that he just came out makes his Lent commitment to give up gay sex so much more meaningful now.
After the Jell-o shots and about 6 shots of lighter fluid brand tequila, it got to the point where breathing was painful. All I could do was pray I didn't fall asleep in the front yard.
mom is telling me the setting in which I was conceived
did you know we used to have a pool?
Thanks for fingering me to orgasm during Wu-Tang Clan
Today's goals: get day drunk then sober up in time for the walking dead tonight.
She drunkenly texted me about Japanese mythology at four AM. I think I’m in love.
wow bdsm is so cute
I've never seen anyone as high as you were.. you collapsed onto the kitchen floor hugging a tub of ice cream. You named it phil.
Randomize
