I told him I was pregnant. Figured it would soften the blow of telling him I had herpes.
Did it?
Not as such, no.
Its like common courtesy of dating, the guy pays for the weed, just like dinner
new revelation: five guys for breakfast
new revelation: previous revelation not a good revelation
This guy in church just had a prayer request to help him get through his hangover. He is my new hero.
I swiped a lunchable and a gatorade from my one night stand's fridge, does it count as a date now since a meal was included?
I'm such a fucking super-fan. I was worried his cum would wash away his autograph.
you owe me at least a beer for the services my girlfriend just provided for you
He was twisted. Literally. It's like God took his dick with a pair of pliers and gave it a half twist to the left.
I feel like I was dropped out of a helicopter. Through the propeller.
You came home And decided to make beer battered bacon... That's why there was smoke
I totally straight up jacked your pants. I am so sorry.
So to add to headbutting the microwave while waiting for my hot pockets to cook. I apparently told both bartenders earlier in the night I was going to fuck them both. I hate black out drunk me..
You know you have a problem when your man yells at you that his penis is not your personal play toy.
Leaves on the ground. Coffee in one hand and your man in my other. Lovely fall morning.
Listen, I just paid for a hotel room, so I didn't have to have sex in his car. I'm adulting successfully.
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