he just asked me to email him a handle of captain morgans...how sober do you think he is?
i had to wake up at 4 am to do my laundry because I was afraid if I saw people in the laundry room they would judge me by the amount of clothes I had covered in vomit from syllabus week
i could have sworn she did an overextended split with her legs over her head but now i think it was just the drugs
while i was sleeping he changed my screen saver to his dick with a heart frame around it. I just might be falling in love.
no you're not allowed back
come on. everbeers was a great idea. you fucks had a great night
He had a joint rolled for us when he picked me up. It's how ASU does romance
Me, him and the recently stolen carpet walked down the road and into the strip club. We had to check the carpet with our coats, it didn't mind missing out too much, later the door guy at Subway held carpet during late night sandwich selection.
I shouldn't be that hard, but i cant exactly put "a guy to tie me up and fuck me and then brush my hair" in my dating profile
Just got arrested in my crocs and rolled up pants with a mr rogers sweater for literally fucking nothing can u come get me?
Eye drops are like seatbelts of being high. Think about it
Only you could go on vacation to visit family and hook up with a pro NFL player from Tinder
The laundromat is nothing like In the pornos
The guy got mobbed on, all hell broke loose. About 20 cops showed up, and this kid somehow convinced a cop that letting him pee in front of him is justifiable. This guy could sweet talk Hellen Keller, he was THAT good
I can still taste your cum in my mouth and my in-laws are coming over. This should go well.
Have you had an orgasm with an n95 mask on yet? It was better than being choked.
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