You're completely useless in the revolution.
I often get tempted to walk up to her drunk ass and say, "shouldn't you be taking care of your kid?"
Vibrator and massage oils got stopped at security. Super.
Was just practicing flip cup with my NyQuil cup...
You know what sound is wonderful for a hangover? Listening to the horns from the South Africans at the world cup
Question. Will thrown up fruit loops go down the shower drain?
At the end of the night you handed the bartender a piece of paper with the word "VISA" written on it.
Any coincidence your getting married tomorrow and it's the most predicted day for the rapture? Just saying
my life is about to be the like the hunger games except with penises. and im going to win.
why is there a chinchilla in our apartment, and where did it come from?
question nothing. DON'T QUESTION A FREE CHINCHILLA.
You know you have done too many drugs when you gum the sugar off your margarita without even thinking twice
where will you be at 9:30 tonight?
piledriving you in your roommate's bed?
If people had ratings on Tinder I'd give you 5 out of 5 stars.
Between his smile and monumental dick even the virgin mary woulda blown that man and I am far from the virgin. I didn't stand a chance.
But I think I successfully seduced her with my alias.
Randomize
