Do you know how easy it would be to shoplift if I was a magician?!
Just threw the poptarts. Sgits boutta go Down. 1 liter of wine
And for the fourth year in a row Christmas has ended in tears, yelling and me drinking. This is officially our longest running Christmas tradition.
There are topless girls riding the lawn flamingos. I win.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Actually it's really just going to be me drunk in your living room swinging from a pole on a tuesday morning.
Figured out how I got so much alcohol in my hair: tried to drink my drink using my cleavage as a cup holder. Missed my drink hole and got it all in my hair
Something like that. Healthy diet of beer, ranch sunflower seeds and sex keeps me young.
WHO THE FUCK PEED IN MY BONG
He's a doctor now.. hope he can cure his small dick
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
At one point I was convinced he was a snake and was going to eat me And I just accepted it
you know you're drunk when you start breaking down your body composition into organic molecules
Noted. Next time you want to get fried chicken and cocaine.
Ok. That just sounds baller.
Came home to butt plugs and dildos in the bathroom sink WTF
Spring cleaning
I wish I could send you one of those donuts I had. Like teleport it to you. Because it would change your life
so you might not believe this but he made a powerpoint. and gave you a 3.5/10.
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