I thought I drunk dialed Adam last night and left him a voicemail. I just checked my phone. I realize I left a drunk voicemail with my son's teacher.
I want the hot one, scratch that. anyone.
Look at it this way: if he'll have sex with a tomato, he'll have sex with you.
That's like rubbing a penis in my face and not giving it to me.
She keeps stunt undies in her bag, 2 sizes too small. She leaves them behind so the guy thinks he was luckier than he was...
just got the results back. i love his dick even more now i know its clean
Why do they give me cups on $8 pitcher night? I HAVE A PITCHER.
There is a glee sing along. It's on random and they know them all. Like, the specific glee timings and pauses. I need to leave. I need to escape
i'm about to be the still-drunkest person on the ellipticals
We have so much sex to catch up on
Also, in the middle of me riding him, he said "I want you to dance on my dick" like I was supposed to know what that means
If there's one thing I learned yesterday, it's that if I really wanted to I could be mayor of Toronto.
Can we just get drunk and watch the Birdcage please I have no tolerance for straight men today
yep, just sat in the backseat of my car for about five minutes looking for the vodka soaked underwear,when i came to the realization that i really gotta start getting my shit together..
I called to inform you I may or may not be getting laid tonight ...
Randomize
