Omg. Get me out of here. Someone is playing michelle branch.
make sure i look cute passed out on the couch.
We need to start having sex underwater more often.
It's Monday. What a great day to start the weekend on the week of st. Patricks day
No he didn't understand the sequence...then I started texting him these texts with vagina strategically spelt correctly in jumbles of letters.
I need to stop smoking. I just talked to corn.
Nothing says I've got my life together like vomiting on the groom and passing out at your youngests sisters wedding
She said we couldnt stop drinking until there were enough bottles to make a fort. so we could have sex in our "bottle castle"
Sit down my child. It's time you were told of my famous loss-of-virginity story entitled, "The Penis that Never Could."
I am the prescription. I can be taken orally or vaginally and in any dosage. This is why I went to med school.
Well he walked in last night, yelled at me for not playing any music and started dancing.
We found Mulan.
I thought you were in bed what the hell
He's drunk and I'm pain-killer high and we're about to watch fireworks at disney world. It's gonna be fucking magical
All of my friends are hooking up and here I am, the lone asexual, looking for someone to eat these tostitos with me.
I'm currently trying to figure out a way to fill the bathtub up with mashed potatoes so when he comes over he'll know what's about to hit him..
Randomize
