well on the bright side, he charges $60 for an eighth
so he'll probably take me somewhere nice
all he gave me for my birthday was sperm
at least its a homemade gift
if only i could text you this smell
May have caused an international incident. More details after we taxi in.
She has no definite jawline and all of her photo's have Ke$ha quotes as captions followed by a "<3" Even by your standards that is embarrassing.
We had sex and then he fed me pie. This is the best friends-with-benefits situation ever.
Just got tipped $5 for distracting some dude's gf while he got another girl's number. Bro-code at its finest.
dude, I feel like I need to get my gf's roommate a gift. something that says, sorry you walked in on me getting blown. suggestions?
I was very proud of myself that day. I had an awesome time. I don't care if I negatively impacted others.
Article 1, law 1, section 1 of the apartment 25 party handbook: tarp will be purchased prior to any and all future parties. Aforementioned tarp will be placed on floor. Any and all sick patrons must relocate to tarp preceding the event of expulsion of bodily fluids. Failure to do so will result in ejection of guilty patron and banishment of the accused from succeeding party. All patrons must read and sign a copy before entry is granted.
Well see how he likes it when I randomly start crying and saying my dads name during sex I WILL RUIN ALL HIS FUTURE BONERS
We were all day drunk by 2pm. Now I know why they hate Americans
Please let me buy the coffee, all my assets are in starbucks gift cards
You told his date she had the tits to be a stripper and the personality to be the pole. Of course he's pissed off.
You thought her boot was a stray dog in your house..
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