dude, osama threatened the US again
dude. i slept with your sister last night
what?
I saw that as an opertune moment to drop some big news
I just want you to know the floor between our rooms isnt sound proof "Captain Cock"
No. Please No. At first it was cool when you started bring an extra girl home for me but after 2 cycles of clap medicine I'm putting an end to it.
Tell your boss that he's keeping you from eating a fuck sundae off of these 36-24-36 34 D's waiting for you at home on Valentine's Day.
I guess I just laid down next to him with the entire pot of mac n cheese and started giving him a handie with one hand and eating with the other
I'm not really into her personality. Not that we've ever looked for personality in women.
That's only a quality to look for in a second marriage.
Tough to be a good wingman when you puke on yourself and everyone w/in a 5 ft radius at the FIRST bar we go to so don't tell me to step my game up
After a long night of drunk sexting I have to the ninja roll at the front door to see who showed up.
Awee what are you going to name your new dog?
What dog?
Winning pick four numbers were just 6969... if I were 18 I could've won 20,000 dollars.
Roommate is hosting a 'sorority retreat' at our house. If you need to get laid, stumble on over.
Being able to fart in my own house is like 90% of why I pay rent
Tell me why i'm looking through my medical records and the last thing it said about my labor was 'vagina was explored'!?
not only was there glitter in the toilet after i peed, but there was some on the toilet paper after i wiped. this cant be healthy.
My mom just asked if I wanted a mimosa when I got out of the bath.
I think everything's gonna be okay.
Randomize
