what time did you get home last night?
SO late...when your in the lap of a 35 year old superstar you loose track of time
He said to me " i could be your father but i dont care"...it was so hott
It was just pointed out to me in a meeting that there is a lipstick stain on my crotch.
Bad news is im a slut again. Good news is its with people ive been a slut with before.
She punched my vomit. In midair. Back into my mouth.
Don't judge me. If you're going to fall off a bed you might as well do it gracefully into a bag full of beer.
Not exactly sure why you felt the need to get the halloween decorations out. But waking up to 7 carved pumpkins really scares the shit out of you.
My mouth holds just enough water for my bong
He waited until after foreplay to tell me that he didn't have a condom and "we" would just have to settle for a bj tonight...
Going to a professional golf course at 2am to throw the flag poles like javelins
Don't they also have a lot of serious head injuries?
I didn't say I wanted to marry one of them. Or that I want one to perform surgery on me. I just want to have hot, dirty, MMA style sex.
btw telling the cab driver, that took you to your booty call that is now returning your wallet that you left in his cab, that you want to hug him is awkward
i swear i was one second from getting his number and then the shrooms kicked in
What am I doing? I'm usually only attracted to horrible people.
It's hard to talk dirty with a mouth full of peanut butter
None of what you just said was coherent
I just bought wine at a gas station what the hell do you expect
Randomize
