I just fired a shotgun out of the back of a truck going 60. i am going to miss oregon.
by the end of the night i am guaranteed to have less of a face than Seal....
I've decided I'm just gonna keep drinking til the baby bump shows...
Don't mean to be rude. But did you, by any chance, cut down a tree from my neighbors backyard last night? And did you also drag it to my yard and burn it?
constantly striving to make life awkward and more complicated, one drunk bone at a time.
Hey, you gotta think, is this REALLY the penis you wanna see for the rest of your life? THINK!
I am the kind of drunk to where i can still drive a golf cart
Then I'll go home and you two can do whatever two same sex heterosexual soul mates do
Day 10 and still no sign of rescue in my pants.
No kiss but I got free McDonald's so at least we can focus on what is really important here
Apparently I have decided there are no repercussions for my actions
you never un-have a 4some
Currently googling hangover cures, which looks a lot like working from the perspective of my boss.
OMFG. JUST WALKED IN ON A DUDE JERKING IT IN THE MCDONALDS BATHROOM
Stall or urinal?
I don't need tinder boy anymore but I do need free sushi
Randomize
