girl is pretty boring. i'm gonna see if she'll let me finger her.
She tried to wake me up by touching my dick. I kept pretending to be asleep.
Motor boating, judging by the amount of lipstick I found I would say between 6 to 8 times
Fun fact: Antibacterial soap will not take the combined smell of bbq sauce and vagina off your hands.
I love how my cats smell like pot.
I remember sitting there at the toilet, bleeding everywhere and thinking, "I walked from my bedroom to here. What happened?"
so you told her it was a 'nam scar? i mean, how old does she think you are.
currently shading my boobs to make it look like i have mass cleavage...thanks art school
Dude if our hands were ladels we could work at a soup kitchen
That would be so convenient
i am one fart away from being 2 for 2 on this whole shitting my pants thing.
I most definitely just found a video on my phone that I accidentally took... You can't see anything and all you can hear is me talking about how good your water was... And then I fed it to you... And used the word "eloquent" to describe it.
Drunk yet?
Well I just did the worm on an empty dance floor while the bridesmaids were serving cake. You tell me.
This guy kept trying to use "see? I'm clean. Cleared by the plasma place today." as a pick up line. This is not okay.
i found you passed out on the floor with a half-eaten pie. i figured youd be the last person to care if i went and banged your sister
Do you think it's a bad sign of the outcome of the pregnancy test I'm about to take that I was eating a fudgsicle on the way into the drugstore? Would it make worse to tell you I also bought a big ass bag of Cornnuts?
Randomize
