Not complaining, but why is there a Russian chick downstairs making latkes?
You left a trail of sequins from your dress incase we got lost
Your lack of a response has proven you've clearly forgotten how crazy I am.
I went to a bar in my pajamas last night. I'll be there again tonight in a wolf costume.
come over after work tomorrow, liz and i will make all of your wildest dreams come true. so long as your wildest dreams involve drinking champagne at my house with two girls who won't have sex with you.
I dropped my blunt out the window of a moving car by accident, tell me everything will be okay
Totally passed out on the dealers bed after paying him all in ones so no, i dont think i'll be getting a discount soon.
next photo in the 'cherished memories' series- Jess's bed. Note the vomit actually UNDER the pillows. shes a genius.
Your boyfriend and I are bonding over your giant dick.
I seriously have her in my phone as "Legit 8"...even I'm surprised
oh my god. picked the worst day ever to not wear underwear...
I'm just gonna stop you right there because there is, in fact, no such thing.
This stupid maranara sauce stain sucks. It keeps distracting me and it looks like I'm staring at my tits.
I'm sure I'll run in to him again, there's only so many VA detoxes.
The one time I decide to bring people over you are laying naked on the coffee table watching the ceiling fan cause "it just moves so fast" I'm guessing you got paid today??
So how do u get your coat out of the coat room when someone is fucking on it?
Randomize
