He was pretty out of it. He heard crickets outside, and thought it was the laptop. So he put his ear to it, rubbed the keyboard, and said "tell me your secrets."
At least he's not married... I hate Halloween hookups
I just bought 1/2 a fifth of vodka out of an old school baby carriage from a homeless man. Gotta love this city.
I'd rather make snow angels in a pool of elephant shit.than sleep with him.
Chicken wings don't come back up an through your nose as easily as you'd think
My only regret is that I have but one penis to give to your vagina.
holy shit i just had sex in a phone booth i so feel young again
Nothing says "welcome to Denver" like a hot 18 year old giving you directions to the dispensary and ending up blowing you in the backseat
Why aren't you two playing Dora the explorer with each other's genitals yet?
fuck whipped cream. I'd eat vegetables off those abs
Let's be honest, I am pretty sketchy looking.
I need two food groups: booze and turkey sandwiches
I have an empty apartment, Chinese food, and fresh batteries in my vibrator. There's nothing on this earth that could lure me out tonight.
Woke up snuggling with a large wooden rhino that I stole last night...obviously, we had fun.
My house exploded and with it all my pot went up in smoke.
Randomize
