yeah for some reason your penis didn't fit in my mouth the other day
I'm pretty sure my roommate has taken plan B more times than i've had sex. Not sure how that makes me feel.
ii just google-imaged 'sad turtle' and maggie gyllenhaal only came up once. what is the world coming to?
my nick name has gotton too long over the years..C.T.P.S.G.F.P.G.......cock tease private school groupie frat party groupie.
Changed my mind. Wearing a dress. Casual, with a side of breasts.
You are forgiven. I sent you a picture of a pumpkin man as a gesture of reconciliation.
I can count the number of hours she's been sober this weekend on one hand.
Are you scared? I basically plan on us looking like giant drunk skittles
Hung over does not do it justice. I am hung like a horse over. I am hungover and over and over. I am hung, drawn and quartered fucking over. They just told me I can't keep my sunglasses on in the office. Fuck drinking with you people.
Its okay I walked into your house, searched for my wallet in your purse, and took a shot of Tequilia all without eye contact, right?
pretty sure I just got a "sorry I have a new boyfriend" blow job. Confused, but totally ok with it.
Do you know how hard it is to be while you're high with a chuck Norris poster in the bathroom?
I tried to steal a Mike's Hard sign last night but it didn't work out
why what happened?
Well it was going fine.. until the bouncer noticed the three foot steel lemon sticking out of my jacket.
PLEASE LET MY BIRD FUCK YOUR BIRD
What conversation warrents "penis" in rainbow comic sans
Randomize
