Oh just a soda. I'm "driving"
Just found a copy of intimate toy times in my mom's trash can...
just woke up with an anonymous loaf of bred in my bed and a piece in my mouth. this says alot about my life.
You thought that the "chillable" logo on the box wine was referring to a city in italy.
His health insurance plan WILL NOT cover Lasix surgery but it WILL cover 100% of a penis enlargment operation...
Siri just reminded me to pickup Plan B
I'm helping my Mormon ex boyfriend from high school embrace his inner cross dresser. This is truly god's work.
Any sexual interaction is meaningless without pizza during half time.
He also wore a doorag last night so i had to swipe left.
I'm watching Part of Your World now and I'm crying and I feel like I'm floating right along with her. This. This right here is some drunken Disney Magic
I've pulled 4 ticks off of me. This is the last time I suck dick in the wild.
I swear I'm going to walk in one day with you in a ballgag just masturbating feverishly
Well i can't stand the sound of my own crying
She needs to move out. Her mom interferes with my penis being touched
Does sending her to the conference instead of a competent employee and putting her in a suite make up for banging her husband behind her back?
No, but she’ll have a nice memory when she gets dumped and fired on the same day.
Well when I woke up this morning I didn’t think I’d be masturbating to my own LinkedIn profile today but here we are
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