Are you drinking alone?
no, i'm watching house
That doesn't count.
wtf, then i'm always alone
dude why did you let me call her?!
i told you it was a bad idea and to quote you exactly, you said "no, it's a good idea..that's what people do when they love each other." you met her 15 minutes prior to that conversation...
I'm glad you talked me out of that flying penis tattoo.
Stuck in the Dallas airport. At the bar. Everytime a flight to DC gets cancelled, I'm takin a shot. Fuck you snow.
didn't have any spoons so I beer bonged my chicken noodle soup. I fucking love camping.
when i'm drunk i think im just gonna point at him and yell adultery is a sinnnn. youre going to helllll
his apartment was in a funeral home, walk of shamed through a visiation in the skankiest outfit i own
Great I'll forever be branded as gym slut at the new gym.
I jammed my finger giving him a hand job. Don't ask how, I'm still trying to figure that out.
I'm at the level of despair that only Panda Express can fix
Also the girl beside me smells like she's been in a deep fryer.
I JUST SENT A TOILET SELFIE TO THE WRONG PERSON.
I'm still drunk dear. I just woke up 3 feet from the front door with 20 dollars worth of taco bell in my hands.
my grocery cart consisted of hershey bars, sour patch kids, starbursts, mayo, 4 frozen pizzas, 4 lunchables, and chips. clearly, i can't do this on my own.
I wouldn't have found her if it wasn't for the vomit trail leading into my brother's room.
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