Update, blind date is cute and fun.
Scratch that, blind date just threw up.
Pick my eyebrow is burning. I'm sitting in the back of dolows vat and listening to jolly music and wilfgang is signing and looking food. Cute kid. Home is where I go now.
what. the. fuck.
just ate frosted cheerios in coffee with some marshmellows. the college diet begins
A guy just tried to send me a pic of his penis & my phone sent me a disclaimer saying "the components were unsuitable for your terminal"
Even your phone knows you shouldn't sleep with him...
the problem with open bar is i never know what to get
did you really just start a sentence with "the problem with open bar is..."
Hey so summary of last night. I threw up in a rain boot then tipped it over on my bed, did my laundry and passed the fuck out. I feel like I didn't see you.
I don't remember how we paid for the cab. I do however remember giving him my heels 2 help with the bill.
I'm pretty sure I just had a convo with my hot pockets about how they weren't good enough for the oven.
You asked me if I was judging you for being drunk, and if I can hypnotize you make sober.
She pulled up to the bar in a limo, wasted, and alone. Gets out, shrugs and slurs "I couldn't find a cab" and proceeds to take a shot.
I'm in love.
I started singing I believe I can fly in the shower and it was like the first stage of insanity
I told you, she may have multiple personality disorder, but like in the most upbeat way possible.
I need more than 2 fuckable people this is an outrage
so I think we need to change lawn care services...the guy woke me up by the pool while I was naked...told me he already picked up all the beer cans for us and gave me his number for the next time we party...
I felt the need to set off fireworks in the living room while they were having sex upstairs. Yes, they quieted down.
Randomize
