i just found a plastic monkey in my sweatshirt pocket
Umm I had a plastic mermaid in my pants......
Really
You win
at FSU your more likely to get an STD than a parking spot
these 2 russian guys walked past me and i got freaked out because i thought call of duty got real
i honestly don't know why someone didn't cut me off after i broke the ceiling lamp with MY HEAD
We ran out of ice cubes so I used ice cream. Everyone thought that was the plan all along. I just went with it.
Climbing through a window thats four feet off the ground isnt the easiest thing when youre high, trust me.
It was all cool until he grabbed my vag and started screaming: THIS IS MINE.
I got pulled into the conversation by "she sleeps with everybody" then "she" involved sleeping with "cocks the size of a viva burrito"
No, not normal drunk. Wake up on a trampoline with a naked chick you've never seen before drunk. I think i missed my first trampoline sex...
I walked outside an you were laying down talking to a star about your life. That's when I took the bottle of jack away...
I can't wait til I'm a real grown up and am no longer expected to take 7 shots of raspberry ruby as a pregame to a night of drinking natty lite
This is a whole new generation of premature ejaculators
Gay?
German.
Pity.
I just had a 10 minute staring contest with my dog. Can you come over?
The report specifies "melted cheese food" as the cause of the burns. Your pride, like your cock, isn't getting out of this without heavy damage.
Randomize
