THE PICTURE OF PEPPERMINT MOCHA MADE ME WANT TO TOUCH MYSELF
i feel like my eyelids need a kick stand.
winter break is going to suck... i have to put away my college personality and transform into who my parents think i am.
Even if he doesn't call, at least I can say i fucked a mascot.
I can blatently call girls sluts here and they think i'm speaking norwegian
Got drunk and tried to deep fry burritos. Turns out wild turkey isn't a good replacement for vegetable oil. Nearly burned my house down.
Sober people should be as daring as drunk people more often, because honestly the fact you’ve lived so long is a sign that anything is possible.
Your cock is gonna weep like a baby
Believe me. As soon as the boss man is out the door. I am on my way to wow your vagina with my horse-like attributes.
This hangover is so bad, we are pregaming Chinese food with pizza.
We mailed him an 18 inch double headed dildo for his birthday. The Fedex guys certainly got a laugh out of it.
Just found a condom on my floor from last weekend. 2/2. The scavenger hunt is over.
The only thing I'm asking santa for is my period.
And vodka?
And vodka.
No she probably looked into my aura and saw that my penis would ruin her.
Can I get that on a shirt
Come over. But instead of sex, will you rub anti itch cream all over my face?
She's hot and all. It's just I don't want to become Eskimo brothers with my sister
Randomize
