He told me I remind him of his sister...
Was this before or after you did it?
before... I mean, it's been a long time. I just tried not to think of it during.
We owe the rent and you're unemployed...you're in no financial position to flirt with cocaine addiction.
I always have to poop after I paint my nails. It never fails.
as we waited for a manager to come open the door that we broke while having sex on the wall, we decided to go round two in the hallway before he came back.. god i love hotels.
We woke up, fucked twice, she drank 3 warm heinekins to cure her hangover and said "Im glad you're still hott when im sober"
want to meet me after class and possibly get arrested for indecent exposure?
nothing says roomie bonding better than a sunday shroom trip.
That was an excessively violent trivia night
We've been here for ten minutes. She told me I wasn't "Irish enough", licked my tits, and then sprinkled green glitter on them.
Why the fuck is he under my phone as Papi Chulo?
just saw a sign in the bar that says "no more naked fridays". Where the fuck was I on these naked fridays?
Hungover in church. I can feel stained glass Jesus judging me.
Welp, I've officially cried in every Chipotle bathroom in the city. Correlation or causation?
Remember I am not doing blow tonight. I REPEATE NO COCAINE unless I do it with your mom
I was running because his wife invited me to join them on their kinky Vegas weekend. Crossing state lines is too much commitment for me.
Randomize
