He told me they were just razor bumps!
I feel like I just walked the hall of shame thru the marriott. Everyone stared.
I think it was the shoes and limping. Not the sex. I could b wrong.
He asked me where I wanted it. I told him in the condom. He stops mid thrust and says "you're no fun" and then blew. Chivalry is semi dead.
Yea he called the cop officer fonzarelli and asked him if he was mad because happy days was off the air. Boom, beaten and arrested
Maybe there is a secret pocket full of cocaine in that spiderman wallet.
I'm FaceTiming Pizza Hut.
Omg, those nutella cakes are heavenly, like licking the nipples of a muscular black Jesus.
Look, if I'm too lazy to put any effort into sexting, you better believe I'm too lazy to put any effort into dating.
I'm starting to question if I'm gonna need to bring a raincoat just to drink around u
U act like I can cum on command
In case you were wondering how drunk I was last night, there was an unopened slim Jim in front of my door and I ate it.
On the shuttle bus from the Casino the driver refused to take us to the strip club so you said "let me off this bus or ill puke on you".
I need to find a more reliable booty-call so I can start dating people and take it slow.
Like, my vagina is jet-lagged.
So he apologized for peeing on my floor.. then we fucked all night.
Real classy
21st birthday weekend in Vegas has concluded and all I'm missing is my underwear and 'Contacts' icon on my phone home screen.
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