I must be too annoying 4 u.
im walking the streets of bville with a bag of cat food..looking for my car. i dont ever want to turn 21 again.
turns out making maccaroni and cheese with whipped cream instead of butter is only good when your high
I mean I gotta puke to be skinny, wax to be hairless, and drink to be fun. Life isn't easy.
You disinfected one of his friends, buttered the jeans of the other one. And you poured every liquid you could reach on the floor, including cooking oil and green tea. It wasnt a great first impression
Lesbians are nicde people they do not take debit cards
It's okay though. My mom didn't believe that they were mine cuz they were magnums. Having a surprisingly large penis ftw
I dropped my keys into the toaster and felt it push down as I pulled them out. Couldn't stop thinking it was a bad idea the whole time.
I still don't know how you've lived this long.
It's been two dates and she just invited me to her aunts funeral. I can't even. Who the fuck does that? I need to drink I'm coming to get you in 5
I just used a box o wine to refill a bottle o wine to more effectively drunk clean
There is a high pitched squealing noise coming from somewhere in my house. I hope it's a gas leak cause I'm over this week man.
Note to self: never fuck a Canadian, surprisingly highly disappointing
just had sex in the back of my high school auditorium #dreamcumtrue
I look like a hot mess, emphasis on the hot now, more emphasis on the mess later
He was talking about his friends deceased ferret and I still managed to orgasm.
Now THAT is dedication!
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