It's not littering; it's giving birds nest building suplies. Besides, birds love soy sauce and plastic forks.
Thats the last time I go out drinking with my Irish friends. Two shots of flaming sambucca = bar on fire. I was only trying to high five the barman.
The problem is he wears abercrombie jeans like there's nothing wrong with it
so when she was in the shower, I took a pic of my dick with her phone and sent it to her brother saying, this just fucked your sister
Fell down a spiral staircase. Et tu vodka. Et tu.
Found your glasses drenched in ketchup on my driveway this morning
I think 2012 will be the year I purposely put myself in awkward situations. Much like 2011 but really trying this time. Like fucking the little sister of a girl I already fucked and dating a chick that lives with her ex. It could be awesome or horrible.
I don’t know what's weirder; the fact that I weigh more with an erection..or the fact that I actually weighed myself with an erection...
I'm thinking about slathering myself with peanut butter and going to the dog park. What's the worst that could happen?
Me and a 30 year old man are sitting in my bathtub in swimsuits drinking straight rum from the bottle. Don't tell me how fucked up your Christmas is.
The cops spotted my on my walk of shame down the boardwalk and gave me a ride home. I'm starting to make a name for myself here.
Just so you know. And I'm telling you this because I care deeply for you. Blue raspberry poptarts taste exactly the same as the regular raspberry ones.
You know you suck at relationships when you are sitting in the airport on Christmas day, alone, swiping on Tinder.
If youre worried about being stabbed, you probably shouldnt be there.
Was cussing out our DD when one of the strippers takes him backstage. WTF
They call him magic hands is all I know.
Somethings are best left a mystery
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