Crap im kindd 0f drunkk we just hooked up in a mcdonalds parking lot but i dont know why how we are here
so last night after we hooked up i got my period and woke up this morning with a blood stain on his bed and not only was it huge but i had put my jeans back on before bed so i took the walk of shame with period stained pants
walked into the kitchen nd asked my mom what smells like tuna she replies" your sister" now i cant eat tuna...EVER!!!
on a scale of 1-10how much freaking out is acceptable if you just found a (possibly used) cock ring in the head board that your parents gave you?
i DID NOT walk around with my knees bent and my hands behind my back with long spandex and underarmour pretending to be Apollo Ono
She had to get her inhaler in the middle of fucking...but she kept it in.
i just ate an entire onion plain. all alone. i have never felt more single in my life
On the bright side since it was a Tuesday you weren't even in jail for the long! that could've been worse!
After you verbally abused the McDonalds employee for not making your fries fast enough, the fact that you woke up on a random lawn does not surprise me.
Happiness is the polar opposite of catching your dad watching holiday themed porn
Walt said he was feeding me so I wouldn't die. that's why there was pasta in my room
I appreciate you letting me know that the bird died but why didn't you do something about the corpse? or at least give me a heads up that it was still in the cage..Jesus
you have no idea how hungover I am. I can't deal with death right now.
my vag sweat smells like doritos
so now that we're not dating you have to stop sending shit like this to me okay?
So hungover and decided to eat a burrito and a pot brownie for dinner, this is what adulthood looks like.
Also mom is not happy about me telling her how much i want the women sprinters on the Olympics to beat me up
Randomize
