This kristen chick is fuckin nuts. She's pyscho. She's a trainwreck. She carries baggage. She's... Perfect.
The drink u got me is pineapple something w. Cigarete ashes in it.ima drink it anyway
It's like my work doesn't even care about margarita mondays.
You know you had good weekend wheb we you hook up with three different girls and you don't feel no pain when u pee in the morning
Absolutely. Last time I signed up for a softball league I had sex with my high school economics teacher.
I am literally using a balloon as a pillow on a park bench.
I never want to hear the words 'my therapist says . . . ' while naked again.
i should probably stop thinking with my vagina, and start using that $70, 000 education i can't afford. what the fuck.
Some guy just rode an office chair down my street, I hope he comes back so I can give him my number.
Though my hair looks fantastic i will unfortunately have to turn down your 4am sex offer
If if makes you feel any better, you're definitely the hottest guy I've ever friendzoned.
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a Chick-Fil-A breakfast sandwich. How's your Monday?
On a side note. I slept with a stuffed giraffe last night. Found it in my bed when I came home and snuggled with it. Drunk me reverted to being 2
I just talked with someone about real estate trends in Atlanta then got three blowjobs in a row. Boom.
I am at a cat party and I just witnessed people lapping vodka out of a bowl for a contest. Lol
Randomize
