Well I thought I'd be nice but yeah I'm not a fan of you either you're an arrogant stupid cocky unfunny loser. Don't talk to me you're crazy
so i havent checked yet but im almost positive that my left ass cheek is bruised. any idea what happened last night.
what the fuck man? i was JUST texting you the same thing. FUCK
I introduced him to the male G-Spot. Don't ever tell me I'm not experienced.
You were almost as fucked up as I was the night I hooked up with a bob saget look alike...
My picture of a beer can in a McDonalds cup full of ice got more likes than my relationship with her. Is beer THAT much better than monogamy?
I don't think it's considwred fine dining when you're passing out at golden palace in chinatown at 4 am with you boss who happens to be wearing a dress.
Hey. Make all the seamen/semen jokes you want. Not many people can say they fucked 2 different girls in two different countries in one week on a tax free bonus. Next up: Italy.
He's short and fat and honestly I think he's what my self esteem was made for
Can't decide if this guy is hot or if I'm just bored.
Sex is clearly the solution either way.
because of daylight savings time I lost an hour of sex with an incredibly hot guy last night. thanks a lot farmers.
Shhhh less advice, more soothing words and dirty phrases
The morning after your company Xmas party and that moment you're eating a block of cheese in bed wearing a sequin blazer and recalling all the details of your one night stand with a coworker who happened to start that day...fuck.
We went to the midnight donut shop and you hopped the counter and told everyone to "Get the Fuck out of your Bar" but to also "Make yourselves at home".
I haven’t been this excited since I found out they sold cases of Jack Daniels.
I want to strut with the confidence of a pigeon.
Randomize
