i feel like after you turn 30 you aren't supposed to black out anymore
Banned from zoo.
Again?
I would have been "that girl" at the party last night if it wasn't for that girl who puked in the potted plant...
A stripper just got mad at me for saying goddammit. She's in no position to lecture me on morality
Now there's vomit covered trash all over the front lawn. I feel accomplished
as soon as I walked into work this morning, my boss called me out on my hangover, patted me on the back and said I'm getting time an a half for even showing up. Did I really look that bad this morning?
there is a time and a place for ass-grabbing and that was not it.
do you think the bartender judged us for asking for shots of well vodka and water chasers?
You stole my camera, took a picture of yourself and said "that's beautiful, just as beautiful as our waitress".
She's like an enigma, wrapped in a riddle, tossed in miller light, inside a question. Nobody can explain a Heather.
First of all you can never say anal too much. Second I now think you're a total gentleman.
Rarely has that paragraph ever been put together
Also, making a white Russian with butterscotch schnapps instead of vodka is probably the best decision I've made in my entire college career.
I need a nap, Harry Potter movies, and dick in this exact order after work.
I just did a walk of shame on my own block. one of the old neighbors saw and greeted me "good morning, girl next door"
Your ex roommate is making out w the kid who pees on floors and it's kinda funny
Randomize
