Bro, I met the coolest hottest chick tonight and she has the hottest friends.
Where are you?
Strip Club
I start off june hungover/still drunk stumbling down my driveway with the trashcan at 6am..it's gonna be an interesting month
All I remember is yelling at him to admit he liked Bon Jovi, then accusing him of giving love a bad name.
Thursdays are my worst days
but now we sippin champagne when we thirstay?
doing shots has become such a natural thing to me that i just instinctively swallowed listerine
like the penis drawn on my face is so detailed and well done, i'm not even upset about it.
Next time I say "Watch this" Get me the fuck out of the bar.
at that time a 4 pound meatball stuffed with pizza rolls seemed more important than bailing you out of jail.... sorry.
I baptized my dog in my pool last night because he snapped at my party guests, how was your night?
You may genuinely find a use for the siphon. But the bag of human hair is less likely.
I misunderstood what a furry was. Come pick me up.
To sum up. The glass blower from the ren faire ate me out last night. Best ever. Go find yourself an artisan.
Now that I've quit blow, I think I'm allergic to my cat....
We're at the liquor store. Then going to the hospital
No? The only contact I've had with him for months was when I drunk texted him from Costa Rica to say that all jazz sounds the same
Randomize
