Oh and then this old man who saw it happen goes "don't do that"
Hahaha what a helpful old man. Like you thought it was normal to be spilling gas everywhere.
I have "you made mistakes last night" written alllll over me.
I think I just found part of a tooth on my bed... What goes on in here?
I just realized my mom and I make the same noises when we have sex. Fuck.
She wants an explanation of my cousins creepy foot fetish with my god sister. i don't know how I can sum this up in a text.
I do not want to do anything. The words more tequila need to be erased from my vocabulary
nothing says "you're fucked" like watching a movie with the family and a handle of vodka comes crashing down from your hiding spot in the ceiling tiles.
I'm promoting my liver to CEO of my body cause it clearly works harder than anything else.
One good thing out of all this is her ass is huge. Like Australia Big.
Would it be appropriate to cancel a hookup to watch the golden globes?
absolutely. tina fey and amy poehler trump everything.
I'll remember. Also, I owe you 200 for a pair of shoes that I carelessly bought to improve my spinal structure, to improve my health and ensure that I love to be 300 years old. Like Adam. Of the bible.
I have drunkenly angered a family of raccoons. Please send help immediately.
I vote we just hike, drink, and destroy dick
There were firefighters and a fire truck up the street. I asked what was wrong and their exact words were "Just a tiny explosion; it'll be all right"
woke up and you werent here...its ok if we're never going to speak again but my furry hand cuffs are missing and i would like them back. thanks.
Randomize
