Dude, you need to talk to your mom
wtf?
She just called and asked if i would be part of the intervention she's planning for you
if you call bong hits and onion rings a party, then yeah
Please don't use social media to get back at me.
I just saw a license plate that said "Guidete" at college. This proves the world is officially ending in 2012
Don't freak out about the couches in the driveway. We tried to unpack the uhaul drunk.
But he made me breakfast and understands the fuck sleep fuck sleep necessities
Because once my penis is in motion, it stays in motion unless another force acts upon it.
I legitimately thought I was gonna die getting finger banged to ja rule in the back of your car last night.
He never answered about passing his structures test no matter how I asked him. He did send a text saying that he would be "pouring alcohol into his head and balls" so I'm guessing he has to retake the whole class.
Immediately after I scarfed down an Applebee's appetizer trio for lunch, my boss sent me on an hour long road trip to pick up some parts. Great. I can't wait to shit my pants on US-31 South.
I haven't had an orgasm since 2014. So you cam see why I'm having a bad year.
Just taxi'd to the airport holding a zip lock bag of my own vomit. Bachelorette success.
He put your tit in his mouth. Professionalism is out the window after that.
okay valid
Can I come over?
Sorry I gave up dick for lent. Hit me up on Good Friday tho
Tanner. All u drink. 10 bckaa. Locked in Porto potty outside. Constructed area. Main strrrreeeett. Fuck. Help. Pleese
Randomize
