cab driver gave us mini bottles of jd for the ride home & proceeded to run every red light. wonder how many bottles he drank.
he just started chanting dark meat! dark meat! out of no where.
she is like cheap alcohol. you can only get so buzzed before you get sick.
My dermatologist just asked me, "what happened here?" referring to the bruising on my nipples. I told her I walked into a door. Thanks for that awkward moment.
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call.
you better take a shot tonight for every cat you have ever seen and wanted. this is a lot of cats.
I couldn't tell you were laughing too hard
Dude I thought I set my hair on fire. I wasn't laughing I was screaming.
The dorm caught on fire so it turned into a 5am pool party
This is literally engraved into my seat "Need crack?" And then there's a number. This isn't real.
Can we pretty pretty please go to Mardi Gras tomorrow? I promise I'll be a good girl and not puke in a pledges car
I'm shoveling snow with a camel-pack full of beer in a blizzard. I love snow days as an adult!!!
Dude just bought the table 3 bottles of champaign and broke one on the floor as his "signature" and he makes me want this recession hit harder
Omg the world wants us to be better people
I refuse
I called you daddy and let you stick things in my butt, I am a damn 11.
Remember that time I came to London for 4 hours, got hammered, cried for an hour and then left.
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