false alarm. still invincible.
I just named my vagina "The Boneyard"
More like "Chia Pet"
You know, I really only think drinking is a problem if you're not good at it.
No shame. Just smoked a bowl with a Norwegian. Feels like something to cross off a list.
Remind me to tell you the "if you give a mouse a special brownie" story when you get back
Correct me if I'm wrong here... but did we serenade each others breasts to "winds of change" last night?
She's lying on the sidewalk wailing that she is gonna die alone, with hundreds of strangers watching us, and also we lost Kate, . Please help me
WHY DID I INFORM THE ENTIRE BATHROOM I DONT HAVE AN STD?!?!?!!
I just want brownies and waffles and someone to lick my tits
Shit. I'm suppose to call the bank but I'm too high to talk numbers.
It tastes like you we're too lazy to shower and instead just sprayed yourself with Febreeze.
You have a very discerning palate.
Ya know, one would think a restraining order would keep me from fucking my ex.
I puked in the back of my mom's new car because I had too much to drink at Chilis. I think I just hit rock bottom.
He has fairy lights round his bed.. And played Jamie cullum when we had sex... Hes batting for the other team right?
I just put together something from IKEA so that’s mandatory oral for a week.
Randomize
