allegedly i woke up at 5am sat in the dishwasher and peed
my drunken desire to be gossip girl continues to ruin friendships for me
Walking home still drunk in snow. Snowflakes are my only hydration..Need moreee
I love the moment a guy admits defeat against the front clasping bra.
Just passed a Taco Bell Taco Supreme, still in its wrapper, laying in the grass. I'd like a moment of silence.
May it rest in peace.
You know its bad when convincing your mother you were masturbating is the better alternative
just bought 2000 rhinestones and a heart shaped stencil at Micheals...I think the cashier knows i'm Vajazzling
Are my feet made of real feet?
Wheres my essay?
You mean the vodka drenched shreds of paper taped all over the walls of the hallway?
Come find me, I'm the girl sitting alone in taco bell at 9 in the morning drinking concealed beer with a straw
Dude, did you really "knight me" and tell me I had permission to bang your sister last night?
I don't believe in coincidence. I believe in the stars aligning perfectly to sodomise me in public. Who ever said I was cynical?
Wow just discovered I can communicate my favorite sex positions using only emojis god bless this age of technology
i was really depressed when i left the health dept this morning after i had to write a higher number next to "partners" than "age"
Why does 10AM Spanish always turn into a discussion about my sex life?
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