get your tongue out of his mouth and answer your phone. if your not doing more than making out i'm gonna be so pissed. i'm about to sleep in your car bitch
The ratio of how much he pisses me off to how much sex i get just isnt working out for me
I cannot for the life of me remember why I am holding this rabbit.
Ok seriously I'm living off of bologna but I have 4 handles in the freezer.
I didn't hate myself when I woke up today, that's improvement right?
Her voice kills me. Its the perfect pitch to fuck with my hangover.
Instead of medicine they should just give ecstasy. Also I'm tingly and can't find u guys. A gay man just said he loved me... :( / :)
My pubes were yanked out by the root when they got caught in the condom. I think it's time for a bikini wax.
If he shows up in a "mount n dew" me shirt im throwing him to the lesbians
I fucking hate you. Some slutty looking drunk chick backed her ass up across the bar and started grinding on you. You ignored her because you didn't want to share you drink
I care about my drink far more than her feelings
Guess who just sucked off 1/5 of one direction?
She gave me a can of steel reserve to pour on myself in the shower
Everyone's going out for thirsty Thursday and I'm just like. Cool. Enjoy yourself. I'm gonna eat an entire pizza and watch King of Queens reruns.
Once he bit me I drew the fucking line.
Don’t listen to me, I’m walking around wearing nothing but rave bracelets and headphones shouting “yeeeeaaahhhhhh”
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