either we just had an earthquake or I am really good @ masturbating
idk why but i just wanna to have sex with the idea of him. i don't even wanna meet him.
nutella sex= disaster
Well, if your day started with strippers, then we're tied. Otheriwse, I'm winning.
I am currently eating pure cake frosting...I am not sure how I was ever referred to as a responsible adult.
I looked her in the eye and told her I was 'balls deep' in love with her...She said that wasn't saying much. Time to drink away the sadness...
Come over and help me clean up your so-called "winter wonderland" that you made with the fire extinguisher in the kitchen last night.
It smelled like mall pretzels. Of course I investigated.
Care to explain why there is sushi in the soap dish in the bathroom
Is 9am too early to be eating a mozzarella stick I found in my purse? Yeah didnt think so. The fact that it tastes like vomit is concerning but not importanta.
I think my hopes are too high for this one. The only other bachelorette party I've been to I was felt up by a Chippendale's dancer and smoked a joint with the party bus driver.
Send me one of your boob pics as an example. I mean this in the straightest least lesbian way possible.
You tried to ride his dick and fell off. Then tried to ride the floor. That's why he hasn't called back
Just don't do anything stupid
i did a stupid sorry
I am in no place to make rational decisions, but right now i want you inside me
Randomize
