girl next to me is signing up for tough love. definitely getting laid.
So thanks to the xanax and vodka memory erasering combo i wake up only to reopen a picture of some very familiar balls
When she gives birth, I'm so playing 'Eye of the Tiger'
True. She actually gives a fuck. A quality looked down upon if she wants to be one of us
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just so we're on the same page, we cannot have been the first people to have ever thought about shooting that guy with crossbow
the tow truck driver and i bonded while discussing our experiences with four lokos
Hey I think I found part of your tooth next to your wine bottle in the floor board of my car.
Its so fun. We're having a music war with the boat next to us. They have strippers.
he just sent me a picture of his penis sticking through a piece of paper that he had drawn a stick figure with tits on it that said "you"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I apologize for violently hooking up with her in front of you in the jacuzzi last night.
the chips you spilled whiskey on is not the same thing as Irish breakfast potatoes
Well, I found the missing blow... in my fucking suitcase... THIS MORNING. Yeah, I flew from FL to NY with blow in my suitcase yesterday.
I told you to check, dude
Yeah, AFTER I checked my bag and I was already sitting on a plane. Oh well. I figured worst case I'd do like 15 hours in county and I was totally prepared for that anyways. I always prepare for that when we hang out.
I send out my deepest condolences for seeing my ass last night.
They're having lesbian sex while I play super mario world. I hope they like the music
I broke my wrist trying to give him a blow job...
And this is why we can’t have nice things
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