I don't remember which guy I met at the bar is coming to pick me up. It will be like my birthday surprise.
The glockenspiel player has some booze though so hopefully the ride won't be that bad
You leave me no choice. Your vagina is grounded. It can just sit there and think about what it's done.
I was gonna tell her, but there were too many tongues in my mouth
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He put up a Facebook album attempting to sell off their Harvard furniture. Items for sale include: his friend, a broken lamp, an item described as a 'carpet and/or sleeping bag', a pair of paint stained cargo pants, size 'Tyler', and a self proclaimed $3 bottle of wine, which he is offering for $2
When exactly does a bender just become a lifestyle?
the first cop to show up was this girl who hooked up with our home ec teacher in high school, she knows about questionable decisions
He sat next to me, put his arm around me, yelled at his girlfriend that he was breaking up with her, and told me I'm his little pet for the night.
He used a trumpet as a funnel, said something about valve oil, and puked all over the garage.
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did i just pee glitter
Cookies and nudity, all you need in life
I can guarantee he will smoke me out and I won't feel bad about it because he gets to touch my butt.
you know its getting late when the "nevers" are turning into "maybe"
We damn well better have a snow day tomorrow. We just broke out the rum.
Apparently last night I was doing back bends for the guy making my easy mac because clearly it wasn't easy enough for me.
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