There really should be an "avoid ghetto" option on my GPS.
I'm not upset with you; I'm upset with Fox News.
It honestly wasnt my fault this time. i was in shock. WHO THE FUCK OWNS A PEACOCK?!
I drunk madeout with my mom last night. it's guna be an awkward breakfast.
Listen man this isn't about soccer. It's about America and day drinking... Your two favorite things now get your ass over here
You should know that Team Beyonce's Vagina dominated in pong last night
I woke up to a 3rd person picture of my own dick sent from a 1-800 number..
I think people like me is why alcohol became illegal at one point
This number has temporarily been disconnected and will be restored to service once you get rid of you girlfriend.
I didn't even realize I grinded on a security guard last night. Shit. Did he at least like it?
preface to our conversation: my vagina hurts.
I need to mount that unicorn and turn him into a full blown steed.
My orifices are off limits as long as you have that stache. Your call.
Showed up to pick her up in my boxers. Lets just say im 2 for 2 with this new idea
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
Randomize
