the best part about being a teacher is there are always 20 little kids around me to blame my farts on
As soon as I saw the video camera and red light on, I started rolling my eyes when he would put it in me and telling him maybe his dick was too small cause I didn't feel anything...trust me that tape is going nowhere
The first thing they saw when they walked in was all four of our std test's hangin on the fridge....i'd be worried if they didn't think we were sluts
he grabbed my head and said "you are a horse. I am leading you to water" pushed it down and whispered "Drink."
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I'm puking to John Mayor, save me. Or at least change it to somethong beyyt
I recorded his orgasm, set it as his ringtone, and called him while they were singing happy birthday to his mom. Yeah, revenge is sweet.
Man I'll cab it I'll be sloshed by then. There's turtles involved
Does taking an old homeless guy to the strip club, buying him lap dances, and calling him pops all night count as a good deed???
Well would you like to come over anyway? I will be wearing sweatpants and disappointment. Also, I have Jack Daniels and I've managed to get drunk in under half an hour. But my boobs look awesome.
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I am sleeping in the bathtub because my bed is too soft.
So yeah he had good weed?
We also had rum, but now that's all gone. Which I feel is appropriate for a pirate party.
I can't believe you didn't come out. There was a duckling ON THE BAR!
We exchanged spring break stories last night. Open relationships are the best.
Thinking about wearing all black to the bar tonight since I'll be attending my liver's funeral.
Red Alert: She has 3 cats, a parrot, and 2 rats. Initiate Protocol Zero and rendezvous at Checkpoint Bravo for debriefing
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