so i just realized i am an alcoholic. I was making some tomato soup because im still sick, and put vodka in it. sad huh? lets go out!
when we woke up the fish was dead lying next to us on the bed. wat should i tell her
It's one thing to send dick shots. It's a whole other thing to send unimpressive dick shots while wearing crocs.
A-plus on my thesis. I deserve the blowjob to end all blowjobs. And I wanna wear a crown while you do it.
You know what's soul crushing? Walking to subway and find out you were too drunk to put on shoes and being denied service.
Um. I literally have no words.
I'm glad they extended train service last night. People crying, screaming, throwing up, fighting and peeing themselves on a train made me feel like I've got my shit together.
Can I just put my face in your boobs and forget the world?
i dont know whats weirder. that i told him he stabbed me in my dream or that he told me i wasnt the first girl to tell him theyve been killed by him in a dream
I got kicked out of the men's bathroom at the diner last night because i was straddling the sink attempting to pee with pants on. Beat that.
Nick is about to bring home a woman who is 39, a mother, and, by all accounts, FUCKING HOMELESS. Will update as details become available.
They have a genuine stripper pole secured to the floor of their living room. I am thoroughly take advantage of it. I've made $5 so far. Why don't more places have poles??!
I have a third degree burn on my inner thigh from the blunt dropping on me in the car
The contents of my fridge consist of alcohol, Nuva ring, and cheesecake. I'm that girl.
She played the piano. I played the piano. She got on top of the piano. I got on top of her.
So, do I need to remind you to keep it classy tonight?
No, because if you have to be reminded it isn't classy.
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