I'm glad you talked me out of that flying penis tattoo.
ew. I made a sandwich, and the cheese reminded me of her vagina
its always fun the next morning to look around the room and see where all the clothing landed.
Can the rest of this semester just go by as a montage?
thank god dogs can't talk. they see way to much.
Wife passed out. Doing shots with the hot bartender... Don't tell me I don't know how to celebrate a 1yr anniversary
he matches the description of mystery hookup #2, 4, and 7
I guess I gave him a 20 minute play-by-play of the first three sections of R. Kelly's 'trapped in a closet.'
You lured him into the bathroom with a trail of jello shots, then proceeded to barricade the door with duct tape. You really should have thought that one through..
If anyone could figure out how to pee on someone's soul, it would be you.
You always know what to say to make me feel better.
Hey, it was your idea to keep her occupied with the barscanner on your phone.
you didnt need to give her a fucking sharpie. there are handmade barcodes everywhere. including my cock. fucker.
just had sex on top of a camper looking at the stars, BEAT THAT.
The ONE weekend I don't put anything up my nose, and it decides to bleed like crazy
Found the cure to anxiety attacks.
An orgasm
He also ordered me a vibrator last week, so the flowers kind of balance it out
Randomize
