Ok a condom literally fell out of my underwear this morning, i have never been so confused.
come over i need a lifeguard for my shower
My favorite part was walking in the bathroom, you fixing yourself in the mirror, calling your reflection a fag, then throwing a haymaker into the paper towel dispenser before going back out to the bar.
Walked by a shop giving away free donuts this morning. Best walk of shame ever
That's like lying to my vagina. I can't betray it like that.
Our dealer is pledging my frat. When he come to sell me weed I make him take out the garbage.
sarah just described his penis as "like bong-girth." I'm gunna go for it.
there is a guy passed out on top of me and i don't know what to do. help if you're awake? was anyone anyone expecting someone? maybe he found the wrong room?
She cracked her neck before the blowjob and I knew shit just got real.
i just want to be sober by dinner like is that too much to ask
You went to the animal party as a hoodrat. You won the most creative costume contest.
I decided it might be a good time to stop when he requested I "bring that pussy over here"
Dude, I woke up with wet dollar bills in my boxers where did you take me???
I’m drunk and naked and looking for my charger - title of my autobiography.
I called to inform you I may or may not be getting laid tonight ...
Randomize
