Every time there's an awkward silence a gay baby is born
I need you to promise me that the first one to find out our kids smoke weed, takes the weed so we can smoke it ourselves
How did currency from Costa Rica make it's way into my wallet...?
a cabby told me that vodka is the coors light of liquor, and then gave me his number
we're havin a 400 loko party for joe pa's 400th win. come get loko
She scratched my sunburn during sex. I didn't know whether to cry or cum
Ive waited a long time for a girl with prescriptions like yours.
That's because "bed time" is my sex playlist. If you're trying to fall asleep use "nap time"
A girl just asked me if we had pregnancy tests and a coworker had to stop me from telling her I was a pregnancy test. THAT is why I don't drink at work.
he puked all over my guest bed and the said he felt good enough to clean it up. he poured bleach all over the bed and passed out in it. he had the chemiacal burn for a month...
I'm 4,715,723% sure I don't give a fuck.
No ive been in the mountains getting high and baking cookies with a 4 year old
How are you supposed to wish the guy you send nudes to good luck for the first day of his new job??
I'm only gonna ask u this once. Y is there a picture of u only in superman underwear rubbin ur nipple on facebook????
Uh I can actually explain that one..
so do you remember taking your shirt off and just standing in your bra at the bar or no?
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