you drank a bottle of vodka and then while throwing up in my toilet you kept reminding me our hs reunion was in 2 yrs and it was time to start getting thin again anyway
drunk lawn darts. Let's test the homeowners policy
i am going to show so many millionaires my nipple
Since when do you have sex with people you have feelings for?
Dude you don't understand. I genuinely felt his soul's penis in my soul's vagina.
we are all four or five tequila-induced decisions away from shitting in a bucket, come get me please.
Won't anyone wonder why I'm mute, bald, and wearing an eye patch?
A beef tasting is not what I needed while hungover
I praised you last night for winning a chug off...you thanked me with a ridiculously hard headbutt. Thanks dick.
I feel like I should go door-to-door apologizing to America.
I mean, you got a giant dick. I've seen lawn gnomes that are smaller.
Now: to brush my teeth, put on my grandma slippers and earplugs, masturbate to 50 Shades and then PTFO
I'm honestly just saving all my liver's power for when I die this weekend. that's how it works right
i doubt you are even in possession of a crowbar.
I suggest you not find out the hard way
poll: am I friendzoned if he just called me brochacha? on one hand, he called me bro, but on the other, he used the a to make it feminine.
He was like "why do you look so cute today?" and I said "I showered" and he laughed. I wasn't making a joke
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