Hey, do you have a beer bong you could drop off at my little brother's place?
dude. I'm so drunk.
pete, this is bryce's mom
I can't wait to have my cock in your ass
pete, this is still bryce's mom
SOME GIRL ON THE STAIRS IN FRONT OF ME JUST FARTED AND IT WENT STRAIGHT INTO MY MOUTH!
If youre the one that ate my brownies this morning I only have two things to say to you
Those had pot in them
And good luck on your interview asshole
maddie and i have invented a community puke bowl. explanation later
He said my breasts were God's way of making up to him for all the shit he's had to endure in his life.
he was wearing ninja turtle pajamas and he STILL got laid. who the fuck is this guy?!
I'm allowing myself one mistake a year. He gets to be 2012.
Life isn't about who you kiss, drunk, at midnight. It's who you text nonsense to, sober, from the toilet.
Girl please we both know I eat his bullshit up like its candy sprinkled with crack
I seriously need to grocery shop. I have a slice of cheese, and alcohol.
A surplus of mistakes were made and I don't know what 89% of them were.
It's like the cookie assaulted me with being high.
So, looks like I managed to leave my bra in the boardroom after all the sex. FML.
You chased a rabbit then knocked on a police car and asked the cop "if he saw where that little bastard went."
Randomize
