the beds are so narrow its like a jenga threesome
no, its his 'welcome back from rehab' party.
I just won Halloween Walk of Shame Bingo!
his blackberry tasks were 1. take names and 2. kick ass
It smells like wine and fried chicken. Im confused and intrigued.
i think i'd rather have a trophy of a like jizz stained curtain or something
My brain is foggy with friends reruns and him licking hummus off my tits.
I hope in my next life I'm a sterile trophy wife. With a husband who showers me in wealth and gifts but can't get a hard on. Do you think my karma is good enough for that?
Don't let her tell you any different. She licked the balls of my hamster for that $100. It was a group bet. She won.
it wasn't a normal cookie, i figured that out 45 minutes into my exam
On the verge of sleeping with a man who can take me to an early bird dinner and a movie with his AARP discount. YOLO
You know its going to be a good day when you have to brush your teeth out of a cup in your room using the vodka and water mixture in your fridge because you're locked out of your restroom
My vagina is officially offended.
That awkward moment when you're drunk enough to crave cocaine, but you're sober enough to know it's only Tuesday.
I realize ur driving andwont read this til u stop, but I'm sleeping in the bed of the pickup. Please don't hit a deer.
Randomize
