I heard it from a little bird bananas is gonna be there
Is this bird reliable bc I don't wanna be wasted running around the bar asking where bananas is
i'm laying naked in your bed you should probably come home
move.
Why is there a case of Coors Light with my address on it?
My Adderall prescription says to take my recommended dose and throw away any leftover pills. Why don't more prescriptions come with jokes like this?
i only understood the part that said mucho orgasmos
Im pretty sure he just said he wants to make a baby with me, but he's pretty shitfaced, so I'm not sure if he knows who I am.
And nobody saved him?? That chick had like three teeth TOPS
I found what appears to be half an E pill and part of a tooth in my pocket this morning
I asked for a steak knife but the waitress could see in my eyes it was a bad idea
I saw Nicolas Cage's face in the moon. Those were good shrooms.
I should probably eat a Plan B. Pill for breakfast. Happy Halloween.
I think you're overestimating how drunk I was
You said your pillow felt like the ocean...
So you're saying that I ended up challenging a dude to Uno then proceed to punch them in the face?
What time is our conjugal visit?
Umm...who is this?
I think she lost me at about the point where the words “Ice Cream Enema” were spoken.
Randomize
