people would bow to what i just did to her vagina
all you kept yelling was "i'm bored and i'm sober"
He plays me like an instrument...he is the Carlos Santana of my vagina.
He bought me a flower. He's totally getting head every day for a week.
You are colorful like whore, yet adorable, like sad puppy. You need more drink.
The fact that I am sitting home writing a resume while you're out inducing vomiting makes me feel like way more of an adult than I'm ready to be.
She keeps stunt undies in her bag, 2 sizes too small. She leaves them behind so the guy thinks he was luckier than he was...
100% truth: never tied someone to a bed using 4 pairs of sweatpants before
I'm just gonna pretend you didn't ask me that. I'll sweep that shattered moment of our friendship under the shame rug.
He wanted to drink hypnotic from my butt crack. I need to move out this state.
It was like we had a conversation with our eyes.
Was it a good conversation?
It was an awkward, sexual conversation.
there's a 50/50 chance the night will end in alcohol-induced rituals of satanic nature
So I missed the eclipse because I was masturbating.
I texted him back and I am so nervous I may vomit up all of the soup I just ate.
Never thought I'd see the day when I got assless chaps in the mail, and yet here we are...
Randomize
