New invention idea: vibrating tampons
new plan: i think the keg will fit in my purse.
Her face just looks like a massive mistake. That's the only legitimate description I can say about it
You need to get over here. I think the drunks are about to sacrifice a chicken to the beer gods. Or a freshman. Stay tuned.
We went to IKEA super baked wearing fake mustaches. You?
Well my friend Jon slept on the couch and I slept next to my cooked lean pocket on the carpet
I was going through my settings and the phone randomly started playing "Crazy Little Thing Called Love" by Dwight Yoakum. Out loud. At full volume. I was shitting. There were 3 other people in the bathroom. I love iOS 7.
You know you had a good time when you get the wheelchair treatment in Mexico back to your cruise.
Statistics show that guys with slightly higher IQ scores and overly-trimmed eyebrows have micro penises. It's science.
What kind of paramedic is he, some dude is dying back there and he's trying to get laid
I'm still drunk dear. I just woke up 3 feet from the front door with 20 dollars worth of taco bell in my hands.
I told her I'd rather set my hair on fire than sleep with her again. In retrospect, that was probably too harsh. My eye is still swollen shut.
It's 2 am on the long weekend and what am I doing? Sitting alone in my room eating chips and queso and watching Rio. Fuck I need to get laid.
Tonight was a total waste of a shaved vagina
Oh and sorry for almost killing all of us last night... twice...
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