My kitchen smells like failed pina coladas.
I'm making progress with her.. She actually looked at me today and gave me a dirty look. Things are going real good.
okay I may or may not have wrapped my body pillow up in your t-shirt and sprayed it with your axe and am now spooning with it.
again? I'm starting to get a little creeped out now.
His best friend walked in while we were banging, turned on the light, yelled BURN, grabbed his computer to play the Thunderstruck drinking game, turned off the light and left.
Now that you're back together are you gonna tell him you set his stuff on fire?
Im sitting on the exxon bathroom floor, idk if its healthy but it sure is cold
I'm sitting at home, day drinking, while watching crossroads with brittany spears. I'm not the person you should be asking for advice right now.
Her facebook status said "just got a sign from god". I texted her and apparently she found a slice of pizza in the shower.
You almost married that.
Cause its not a drunken adventure unless someone ends up in a pool
He was super stoned and then he compared doing meth to having anal sex and told me to "ride that cowboy." The cowboy being my ex.
When you put my balls in your mouth i just want to buy you expensive gifts...you know what i mean?
I just sustained a forearm injury dancing to salt n peppa in my kitchen. Fack. I pushed it real good.
Had a dream I went to Disney to visit you and then I got really drunk and puked all over these little kids in line
I can't even spell what he said he was on. And I had to call 4 people before someone had heard of it.
If I slept with her my dick would come out glittery
coward.
Randomize
