My mother just asked me if i ever swallow the goods...should i be concerned?
She made me cum so hard I couldn't hear for half an hour after
You spent most of the night crying and throwing leftover meatballs at the neighbors dogs
Some chick is drunk waving down a taxi with a slice of pizza.
When they say "all expenses paid" does that include bail?
I just bared my soul to you and you fell asleep. Or you're fucking your boyfriend. Either way, not cool. fuck.
Ugh I can't even look at alcohol this weekend, my body needs to heal.
Good morning love! Friendly reminder that we decided to make leggings with a vagina zipper. "For the winter quickie"
Bonded with the ladies at the perfume outlet by saying "help me smell like i'm not hungover before my shift starts". This is not where I wanted my life to be
What happened to fro yo and sex?
I don't know what part of my sober brain thought it was a good idea to get stoned when I can barely walk with crutches as it is, but that part is stupid.
Also so weird my phone cracked after I repeatedly threw it at the ground as hard as possible
WHEN THE HELL DOES ANYTHING IN OUR LIVES *EVER* GO AS PLANNED???
how goes living off caffiene and alcohol?
i may have recently shit my pants. on two separate occasions.
Love that I’m sending my uber driver a thank you message for taking me home via mcdonalds tonight before I’m messaging my date from tonight! Lol
Randomize
