Five Mah tais Laser and i skill have not drunk dial you
As of tonight I have officially had sex during every Disney movie.
im pretty sure thats the first step to being a pedafile
By connection do you mean me drunkenly grinding my ass on his lap for an extended period of time? If so, then yes, we had a "connection"
Walked into the bar with my burrito and ordered a round of shots for everyone. Not sure if I want to look at the credit card statement.
She started licking your face, then you turned to me and said "I guess thats my cue", and you proceeded to hook up with her.
I think I slept in the cheesecake last night. Either that or I had a wet dream. Whatever happened I need to wash my pants.
Driving to get a preg test with my ex, wearing my unicorn hat
You are so not ready for motherhood
Don't make it weird, I don't think about you when I'm climaxing, it's just that I see you rooting me on.
How high is the bridge and how deep is the water and what are the chances I will get arrested
I'm high, watching "Scream" and eating a grilled cheese sandwich off my boobs. I'm not going anywhere
Come on, clusterfuck. Put on a pushup bra and get your fine ass to the bar, or you will be a sad single stoner forever
mom is telling me the setting in which I was conceived
did you know we used to have a pool?
I wish I got like a congrats basket for being a responsible sexually active member of society complete with condoms, tissues and lollipops.
She'll feel so accomplished if she finally gets to bang me.
I'll accept that I'm a woo girl. Just not the drunk cowboy hat wearing bar mongering twat bag type
I think I just got booty called by someone I've never slept with or even really had a conversation with before.
Randomize
