Things on my life to do list: hold a pound of marijuana. Check.
Listening to Joy Division and applying for Walmart. You get to choose which one is more depressing.
As soon as he lost the election, the reception's open bar became a cash bar. I have never been so disappointed in my countrymen.
was it morally wrong to have used his girlfriends makeup after i fucked him?
Just blew a perc off the traytable on my flight, spring break has begun!!
I really can't get over how proud I am of all us getting laid at the same time in the same apartment
Sorry I didn't take you making out with him all night as a hint you wanted nothing to do with him...
IDK DUDE BUT HE TIED IT WITH A SHOELACE SO I GOTTA FREE SHOELACE OUTTA THE DEAL. THIS GIVES A NEW MEANING TO LACED DRUGS
Bro, I just googled 36 year old pussy so when I do see it I won't be shocked.
The bouncer was just about to kick Sarah out for getting with this guy 'too physically'. I told him that was 'her style' and he let them stay. Banter.
At first I was horrified but then he explained that he shave a "soul patch" on his balls... And I was still horrified, but I went with it.
So you're on like a list there now..."Do not under any circumstances give this person a knife. Serve them in plastic cups ONLY"
Please don't throw the wedding bouquet at me
We were all having a bath, the three of us, then that drug dealer guy walked in and peed. Sitting down. Apparently he didn't want to offend us.
It's beautiful. It's what jesusxwants. I should send you a pic of my boobs out of friendship
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