Yeah but my nose is so stuffed if I tried to give him head I'd suffocate
It's just you. You wear the fuck me fedora and wear baller shorts, hollywood hippie who thinks she is shakira when she's drunk.
At Coney Island the sign for the rollercoaster The Cyclone says, "Make sure your glasses and weave are secure."
alcohol turns me into mario batali of easy mac
so after morning sex, she rolled a joint and turned on sports center
you might have found the rare bro goddess. i thought they were myth
Just bought a pack of cigs...gas station guy informed me i took off my underwear and tried to pop a squat by the milk last night...
YouTube is recomending me a video on how to make a home made meth bong, what has my life come to?
First night in the new apartment. There are 12 people here i don't know, Tequila, and a crying girl locked in our bathroom. I think the apartment christening is complete.
Just had the moment before I realised I'd packed you off in an ambulance last night after funnel-feeding you Monster and vodka. Your mom thinks I'm a dick doesn't she?
I pulled some girls weeve trying to pull the stop cord on the bus
Discovered a freckle on my clitoris. What have you done today?
Back. Waiting on Thong the shuttle bus driver. THONG
I just need to drink whiskey get off and eat some cheese. Why is that so fucking hard for god to deliver.
At least you didn't lose your virginity to chumbawumba
Hey, what's the French word for when you meet your boyfriend's friend and you have that gut feeling that you smoked pot naked in a hot tub with him at a house party years ago?
Randomize
