Why did I wake up with "How to masturbate" on my youtube search bar?
You told us you forgot how, and started to cry.
Yeah, that's not really a good thing. Especially for a girl. You should get a tattoo on your stomach that says "Please wear a condom".
in the morning i found her name, number and address on one of the empty pizza boxes. also said "ps. if you find my shoes please mail to me."
I just peed next to my dog in the yard. Unparalleled forms of bonding going on over here.
I don't care. I'll be that guy that eats cake in a car. Alone. With the doors locked.
You three are like the Bermuda Triangle for morals.
Sometimes when I see a shoe on the side of the road, I get a little depressed that I've never partied that hard.
Oh god the guy I took underwear from at the bar is trying to add me as a friend on facebook now.
No exaggeration. At the gas station she handed me the mop from over the counter and told me that's my last drink of the night
You will never know an awkward moment until your parents pick you up from a one night stand.
How can I politely yet provocatively ask you for a cock shot?
Brunch got away from me. I might be a little high.
Only I could turn my one night stands into class essays. Go me.
How I know I would be an awful mother....I just stirred the bong up with a baby fork. A literal baby fork....
My dog just blew me a kiss. First of all I'm stoned and second of all he's a pitbull. Those aren't sexual dogs. So wtf.
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