who knew getting puke in ur hair could make it look so cute and curly. minus the crusty puke part
as veruca salt said, "i want it now!"
uhh im not your indulgent father, stoned and im in the middle of making tacos. right now, tacos win
u just dont fucking get it...you try and cum while your cat is staring at you.
I heard that if you win you get to have sex with me. You guys really need to stop wagering my vagina.
Someday you'll be stoned enough to create a one-person step team and then you'll understand
It's like being the highest you've ever been, then doing about 20 shots, and chasing them with lines of coke. All while laying on the surface of the sun.
There's a bachlorette party going on at the bowling alley, so we'll see who wins greatest shitshow tonight.
The reign of the rally queen is over. Welcome to the age of the walking dead.
I came back to consciousness and found myself sitting in a beanbag chair petting a 2 month old husky with one hand and eating an oreo Klondike bar with the other. This almost makes me forgive blackout lisa for making out with that chubbs at the xmas party
That's a lot of people she's fucked in one picture.
Listen I just pulled white girl hair out of my underwear. This has got to stop. I was wearing pants all night.
It feels like I was drinking gasoline last night.
Literally I can feel my heart beat in my vagina because of how sore I am
that's what I'm here for. I'm literally just bad advice mixed with motivational sentences.
she's 6'2. you bet your ass i slept with her.
Randomize
