She just asked me if I was going to kiss her cat goodby too... This is why we don't stay till last call.
she was sobbing drunk in the backseat about her dead cat and how the guy in the front seat didn't want to hook up with her
My google history shows every combination of "red lobster cheesy biscuits" possible.
Covered in gravy. Never pour gravy while drinking.
The walk of shame out of a freshman dorm isn't so bad when you're 25, nobody questions you because they think youre gonna bust them for having weed
Just did a keg stand the dropped my phone in the toilet. Sorry for partying.
You did a keg stand on the toilet?!
You call it a hangover, I call it a baby squirrel burrowing its way out of my head.
We're having chugging races with long island ice tea, I won. To often
i want to have his babies. i NEED to. shit i wont even ask for child support, he's that goodlooking.
But I mean how many guys can say they get blow jobs and grilled cheese with football
If you can't drink with the big boys, give up your beer and go back to the playpen
So i just remembered that thing i use to do with your butt because of shark week.
Dude I asked him to get me beef jerky at 4 am and he actually walked to CVS to get it. CVS closes at 12 but it was the perfect opp to dip out
I just bumped into this random I hooked up with a few years ago at Steve's party. Talk about a fingerblast from the past!
He said it was the classiest hand job he ever had because my nails were painted red. We need to go to nicer bars from now on.
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