I'm pretty sure that he just gave me the ginger disease
the reason why you were crawling on your hands and knees from room to room last night was because you thought the ceiling fans were chasing you...
that makes sense.
I don't know if I should be scared or excited that I can officially drink vodka on the rocks like it's 7up.
Is she still in your room?
Not for long. My plan is to smoke her out like a small woodland creature.
I have no idea. But I feel like I could climb a mountain and then have sex on it.
All I know is that every time I looked at my glass it was full again and I thought it would be rude not to drink it
Drive by water balloon fight on $500,000 boats ended when someone threw a dildo
It was all good till you had ppl chasin shots of ciroc with fucking applesauce
We went the strip club and out of no where the waitress brings him over a quesadilla and a jäger bomb and says your usual!! He swore he had never been there before
Tonight I researched being a phone sex operator and teaching English at a French school in Africa. I think my future lacks direction
Drug test isn't today. Now I'm just sitting in this orientation with a bag of your piss in my pants
You know its a good night when ur woken up by the bartender asking you how he ended up at your house
i just went to hell in the tanning bed. i think god is giving me a preview of what is in store if i keep getting drunk everyday.
She pulled out a water gun filled with vodka and called it her weapon of choice tonight. She's fine.
I totally fucked your pastor last night.
You're his wife.
Still a dirty get down.
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