I just hotboxed my laundry basket.
The prostitute across the street from us is having a seizure on her front lawn again.
Either I put my underwear on inside out and wore it like that all day, or I had sex with him. Its sad I have to guess.
dont iron anything. we fucked on the ironing board. details to follow.
I know, but the fabulousness of my baggies should not be what defines my business as a drug dealer.
Well you busted in the house and yelled with pride about Uber giving you a ride over with your new bong.
I am going to go back to drinking and listneing to Hanson now. Maybe crying. Or perhaps Full House reruns
its 3am and I'm taking a bubble bath, this is what taking a day off work at 30 looks like
Random pof guy just messaged me initiating a Pokemon battle. Want to be a bridesmaid?
ANNA YOU PEED ON THE STREET. LIKE NOT EVEN SUBTLY. YA JUST SQUATTED IN THE MIDDLE OF THE HIGHWAY. And you flashed your tits to oncoming vehicles to try to get them to pick us up
And to celebrate the raising of our lord I just purchased a bunny buttplug. Am I doing this Easter thing right?
Let's be honest, college orientation is going to be "here's how to drink everclear"
I don't want to sleep with any other woman but you but I want to try this whole mother daughter thing that would be nuts
So technically I made out with my second cousin this weekend... But it's by marriage and I'm adopted, so it's ok.
well...I was at work...until someone dropped dead during their performance of "I believe I can fly". It was karaoke night.
Randomize
