Wow, Pearl Harbor and The Notebook are on. Its like the Im going to kill myself marathon.
Wife passed out. Doing shots with the hot bartender... Don't tell me I don't know how to celebrate a 1yr anniversary
we found his I.D. in the upstairs bathroom...under a towel in a hidden pile of snacks from her kitchen
Did you eat 9 cans of raviolii last night?
Come on man nobody wants to admit that
Now I know he's not trying to fuck me. He took me to lunch at White Castle.
It was the best of bangs; it was the worst of bangs.
Her fortune said that she will soon be free. She's taking her bra off at the table.
That sad moment when even your drug dealer lands a summer internship and you don't...
He saw one of my bras on the floor and said "damn you could eat soup out of this"
sweating bourbon at client mtg -- you?
I had a glass of wine for breakfast. It's gonna be a rough week.
Hey, if a dude can't randomly belt out Whitney Houston tunes from time to time, is life really worth living??
How did i get home and why am i wearing someone elses shorts?
1. Not sure how 2. You showed up naked, we had to dress you.
He listens to me complain and in return I send him naked pictures. It's a win win situation
Sooooo have your ex-girl console you over your ex ex girl that you destroyed said ex-girl over the possibility of
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