piano lessons. No girlfriend. What's up.
Think the blond can even spell "shiksa"?
He dyes his hair, fake tans and lies constantly. What did you really expect from him?
A better fuck for starters.
do u think i could put an abortion on my debit card?
it turns out jennifers body is not good to beat off to. yeah its megan fox but when she pukes up blood = goodbye boner
Just told the nurse I wouldn't get on the scale. Told her to write FAT.
We sang "Whole New World" in harmony and he spun me around. You may now barf from the cuteness.
Just had a shirt made that says "I'm sorry" going to wear it every sat and sun morning for the foreseeable future
Seriously, I woke you up with tacos, I think I deserve the best girlfriend ever award
never stay at a party until 5am. even if it's because of daylight savings. we ended up having to watch porn with the host's dad...
Slept with the roommate last night and also discovered that she believes in eugenics. I may need to slow down my drinking
I got so drunk I thought my tennis court was a corn field so I laid in it and ate pizza
I'm just hoping that with all the times he's puked in my yard a mushroom field might grow.
Decisions were made. The quality of them will be judged tomorrow
I love you, but seriously, that was way too long a thesis on an Arby’s curly fry being wrapped around schlong!
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