this girl and her friend just showed up at my house. standing together, theylook exactly like the number 10. this has cockblock written alllllll over it.
Anytime you have a hot, flirty, married woman that wants to ride you like a horse and slap your ass, you've got to do it.
Yeah, but four times?
We did however see an 87 year old guy die and get resuscitated last night at the bar. He then finished his beer and his game of pool.
She used to be a real nice person. Now she's just a dick sucking machine
Watching crazy stupid love and drinking alone isn't what I thought it was gonna be
Its TONS better. Expect a drunk dial at 11:54
Also I've decided that I'm buying the next friend of mine who is dumb enough to get married a live porcupine as a wedding present.
Dude my body has gone into shock from not eating frozen pizza and chips. I've been shitting like Richard Simmons after a night out of twerking in a corn field
I'm gonna play this game called Conquer the Dicks. I think it is self explanatory.
I didn't think I was even that high but when we were standing in the cop car's headlights I totally forgot how to use my arms
Jager makes that raccoon appear... The one that shits in a basket in my living room.
I just swallowed confetti and motor-boated some guys beard...#happy2015
He complimented the perfect handprints you left on each of my ass cheeks.Thanks.
Her son walked into the middle of the living room, took off his diaper, shit on the floor, smiled at me, and walked out, as if nothing happened.
So date night went well?
everytime he speaks i want to fuck him less. i just wanna tell him to shut up and take his pants off and we could both be happy.
Clothing is a burden necessitated by propriety.
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