My pee smelled like sake this morning it was sooo disgusting.
I was scared of Debbie's boobs today. They were all huge and scary looking
I can't go out tonight I need to save my money for important things.....like rogaine and ecstasy.
In an effort to go green, I just used rainwater to fill my bong.
She has an album entitled "my photography", which consists of about 80 different pictures of a tractor that she took on her cell phone. I'm all for freedom of expression, but come on.
i dont even know how to be here
also. he gave me a foot massage during 69ing when i got a cramp. he's a winner.
I just banged that chick from the bar by speaking french. all i had to do was recite my grocery list
Nothing says Merry Christmas like gifting a bottle of rum and finishing it yourself then leaning over at the dinner table to puke it back up.
I hopped in a random dudes car outside the strip club at 3pm on a Sunday and said "Follow that car!"
Congratulations, you've begun to unfuck your life.
You popped the Plan B pill then clapped twice, said "mischief managed" and headed tward the bar.
Apparently chalking everything I've done these past 48 hours to the fact that it was homecoming, is like a "get out of jail free" card.
I was looking for a pen and I stumbled upon my mom's vibrator. On a related note, yes I will be going out tonight.
I mean, I'm not upset that HE's getting married, I'm upset his penis has to go through with it by default
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