Never write on a napkin "my face, your boobs" with your phone number and give it to a girl. Just a tip of the day from my nightly experiences lol.
We need to hang out more often
and next time when you feel me up, do it right
I went to moterboat her and I started laughing, so I just kinda blew on them... I think I'm gona call that move the sailboat.
just woke up in the beanbag bin at walmart
between my moustache and how drunk I am it will be a miracle if I get laid tonight.
So, apparently, "i expected your penis to be bigger" isn't good pillow talk.
I don't know if I should be scared or excited that I can officially drink vodka on the rocks like it's 7up.
Bisexual Viking-cowboy hybrid is at the bar again
Dibsssss
He's def the type to chop us into bits whilst screaming "NAPA BITCH". AKA my type
Apparently I stole windex from the cab driver. Klepto Tom strikes again.
I peed my pants walking home last night... I just kept walking.
I used my dress as a plate for pizza rolls last night
These last few days with George, grandma, and now Carrie all dying have been pushing me further and further into rum's sweet embrace.
My debit card was between my ass cheeks when i woke up. i vaguely remember putting it there for safe keeping
She's like a squirrel. She spazzes out all the time.
Randomize
