dude.. you lit a cigarette on the bus and told the driver it was okay because you were fire marshall of your boy scout troop
the $50 fast cash from checking button should just be retitled "8th of weed"
Friend I haven't seen in almost a year just IMed me to let me know that my mom stuck her boob out the window on the freeway at her.
Her mom responded by mooning my mother. I really don't know what's worse.
i made sure i dropped the whole "im a yoga teacher" bomb which basically roofies a guys sense of judgement and guarantees he will sleep with me.
I was arrested last night for attempting to flee and elude. I wasn't really trying to run from the police. I was drunk and lost in the woods. I thought it was pretty obvious when I was waving at them from my puddle of puke that I wasn't really hiding.
I wonder what a non-hungover friday at work is like
I know the scar will be in an obvious place, that's why I'm certain it'll score me cancer blowjobs
I don't know how, but he made a bong out of a hamster wheel. To say I am impressed is an understatement.
can you come back were all locked out and alyssia's still inside passed out on the floor but more importantly i left a beer in there that's not finished
Drunk me thinks I can light up a cig anywhere, sober me finds this hilarious and highly irresponsible. The grocery store is not a bar.
I fucked a 6'7 Danish man. In the ocean. At 5am. Greetings from Florida!
For sure shouldn't do homework after beers and joints. Just cited like 3 sentences at the end with (History, 2013)
I just saw a bunch of drunk old guys riding on the side of a modified old fire truck yelling at cars and smoking while they looked for parking...promise we will be just like them when we grow up?
I'm craigslisting fire trucks as we speak
At this point in job hunting, I'm willing to become a leather daddy if it means some sort of income.
She yelled “outlaw country” right before we heard the police siren
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