My rats are drinking wine. I am drinking with rats. God i am so alone.
you spent the rest of the night making a recipe for mixed drink called "the new years bowel remover". it has 13 parts but judging from the bold all caps, the boiled avocado is the most important
Already puke and ralleyd and dressed like a bear.
Not much, just your average college male Sunday cleaning period blood out of the carpet.
Tell me you're kidding.
Besides scarred, I'm not much of anything right now.
Please don't let me drink ever again. I apparently told him he could stay but as there was no room in the bed he'd have to lie on top of me and he'd need to anchor himself on with his penis so he didn't fall off.
You need to braveheart it on Monday. Blue face paint and a loin cloth screaming freedom in your front yard.
High as shit. I just described caramel syrup on crackers to my mom for 15 minutes...
Wait is it okay if I still want to fuck the whole USA swim team or is that only acceptable during the Olympics?
Your car is in front of my house. Keys are in the mailbox. There is a fire hydrant in your trunk. Happy Birthday
Remember that time you bought snap bracelets on Amazon and they sent you 300 pregnancy tests instead? Amazon knows.
I've counted 3,503 loops of fabric on my carpet so far. FUCK YOU ACID!!!
I remember caressing his hands asking him if he moisturized, then i proceeded to put his hands on my face
The cop looked me right in the eye and apologized for cock blocking me.
he called me 'mate' and i had to remind him that you dont call people mate who continously make your dick hard
high I am. I am yoda. Yoda I am
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