Ambien. No doubt about it.
your transformation into a slut upon entering college is like a shakespearian tragedy
I'd invite him but there's too many people who have fucked me going already
Sorry for punching you in the face last night. I should have known the boxing gloves were a bad idea from the start.
I'm playing a game where i judge myself by whats in my cart. Also have 3 bright red giant buckets
I just put on eyeliner and a diff shirt in case the pizza guy is cute. This is what my dating life has come to
Wow, nothing is more special than changing the channel and seeing the guy who groped you on Saturday night...
i took a picture of my dick. with a stick figure drawn on it. and a paper hat taped to the tip. and i call i the mayor of Dickville
Thanks to that wedding, I got to use the term "finger bang" more than I have since high school.
i wore a power symbol belly button ring just so i can drunkenly tell him that he turns me on. i dont care if it works i think its classy
i just got banned from the m&m's website for trying to get poon slayer written on my custom order
In the last six hours i have procured a free sandwich, watched three movies, and came to orgasm. If that isn't productivity then i don't know what is.
I'm facebook/twitter stalking the guy I just slept with as he's passed out next to me. What a time to be alive...
If you find me in the bathroom in a fetal position, licking frozen bacon .. I might have Drank a little too much.
It's only considered alcoholism if you're drinking from something other than a cup....right?
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