So i've def seen the girl running for student body VP getting fingered in a bar.
I am a mess. Weirdest thing: I woke up with a hammer under my pillow. No idea why.
I don't care how ugly she is, I can't turn down a free movie +bj. In this economy that's downright irresponsible
They're like penises that have been put in a blender.
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but my underwear and it was on backwards and my entire body is too sore to move...
Im glad someone is finally more of a drunken slut than I am.
I had to run home with my hands covering my tits this morning. How does this keep happening?
Also I stopped in the middle of the road and put my hazards on because BUNNIES WERE PLAYING
We broke into her grandpa's pool at 2 am and I held my underwear out the window on the way home.
Drive by water balloon fight on $500,000 boats ended when someone threw a dildo
Major win last night. I traded my roommate two cigs for a six pack and a bag of beef jerky. This has been a Brian weekend update
its gotten to the point where if her hand isn't on my butt i think we're in a fight
Jesus Christ. How the fuck do you not tell someone that your wife can see on the phone bill who you text and how many times ?
why did you put a dildo on the ceiling fan
the dildo had a suction cup and we had a ceiling fan what did you expect?
I ate her out and told her she tasted like pumpkin pie. She screamed that she hated pumpkins and started to cry
I farted in the parking garage and it echoed.
Randomize
