his personality makes his face look like an asshole.
I just woke up wearing retainers... they are most definitely not mine
All was going smooth until he pulled a condom out of his collection he kept in a Cheesy Gordita Crunch Box from Taco Bell.
I'm out of vodka and money. My semester is officially over. The way I see it, my finals are just forms I need to fill out in order to leave campus.
we were on a sandy mattress. i was wearing a sweatshirt with a poodle on it and eating a whopper jr. i wouldn't have fucked me either.
he told her to call him "Frog Legs" and she still fucked him and not you.
My mouth holds just enough water for my bong
also Jesus you really need to change your diet. I just washed your baby gravy out of my hair and it's so acidic my hair is damaged. You have killer sperm
I had lunch with him today and quietly mourned his wasted good looks on such a disappointing set of genitals.
Packing a mid day bowl in the Sonic parking lot. Have I gone too stoner?
sweet sixteen by hillary duff just came on and i feel like i let lizzie mcguire down for being such a stoner
You're the only person I know that could get laid while visiting their grandpa in florida
Just taxi'd to the airport holding a zip lock bag of my own vomit. Bachelorette success.
She got engaged last night. I don't think you should ask her out man.
If I could tell my younger self three things it would be: 1. Smoke a lot more weed 2. Have a lot more sex 3. Own a good set of pots and pans
Randomize
