His pickup line was "I'll eat you out"
He did it well too
ii just google-imaged 'sad turtle' and maggie gyllenhaal only came up once. what is the world coming to?
I took chris brown's side in the conversation ... cut to me not getting laid tonight
dude uncooked spaghetti noodles dipped in thousand island dressing is better than it sounds
We don't have a lot of plans besides weed and cake
Looking at an apartment in Houston. It's right beside my favorite bar and the zoo. Best or worst decision?
Just gave a blow job while wearing a shirt that says 'world's coolest mom' idk how my conscience feels...
Attempting to sleep without a bra since i got my nips pierced wish me luck. Also almost sent that to my coworker.
That time we were having sex when you were super drunk, I kept yelling out, "Oh God," and you said, "You're going to need him after this." Idk why I suddenly thought of that.
Running my fingers through my hair was like that scene in Patch Adams where the old lady got to swim in a pool of pasta. I love Molly.
I'm not trying to take your husband away from you, but can we have another 3way soon? I'm just desperate for good dick.
I think the pizza guy was in shock..
Well I didn't mean to answer the door only in socks but I mean come on, 4 hours of sex works up an appetite! I WAS RAVENOUS
And ANOTHER guy that I once got naked is doing gay porn now. Wtf? Am I the audition?!
Dude I just woke up naked on the floor with my dick in a boot. Legit in a fucking boot. I also have no idea where I am.
Stereotypically, lax bros last the longest, but have huge egos that are annoying. Baseball players barely last 10mins, but are really nice. And than we have soccer players, last long and have no egos. Me and my friends have collected our findings.
Randomize
