I heard you aren't going to graduate...that suck sorry bro
I heard your girlfriend is trying to spread swine flu because she wants to wear one of those masks to cover up her broke ass teeth
Eww. Jon Gosselin got both his ears pierced.
He looks like a bad one night stand.
I have no morals, kinda like you have no standards
None
Sex on a kitchen table is not as amazing as they make is seem in the movies.
What started out as Cougar hunting turned into whaling
I have just two goals for this NYE. 1) get so drunk that every guy looks like Clive Owen 2) make out with as many Clive's as possible.
Next year we will be 30 and no more shots during the week.
it felt like i was a kid in an empty playground. i fucked him on every piece of furniture in the house and then when his housemates showed up i was naked in his bed like i'd been there all along.
I knew things were bad when I walked in on you feeding juice to your iPhone
I just sent him 3 long ass texts about how to tell a girl how he feels. I should get a fucking friend zone medal.
I will make you one.
Good. It needs "forever alone" engraved on it
I went limp when I heard her mom fart from her parents bedroom. It lasted longer than my hard on.
And that kids is the last time I ever try to outdrink Germans
You drunk-dialed me and asked me to describe my burrito
Masterbating to Tolstoy. You?
Well I thought I saw everything and then I saw Christmas themed poop bags at Petco.
Randomize
