alright she left, finally time to fart up the room
Vibrator and massage oils got stopped at security. Super.
at least franzia made me throw up pretty colors.
This whole night would have been avoided if the liquor store had air heads
you're my knight in shining pee-resistant armor
figured you should hear this from me. Your refrigerator door is way broken. I opened it last night when i was drunk and tried to climb the shelves. i got to the one with the mustard.
He wanted to feed hamburgers to the homeless... as a first date... who the fuck is this kid
As we're eating sushi she goes I just want to get a disease so my mom can take care of me... Great first date
she just stared at nothing and then looked at me and goes, "that's a weird place to put the wall"
Hey... Tell me if you remember differently, but nobody truly saw me naked, right?
When you say shenanigans does that mean I should bring birth control?
Well you were listening to music and having sex really loudly. How was I supposed to know you'd hear me making rocket sounds?
Well I'm a full service fuck buddy so lemme know if I can get you food or water or anything
Updates: Made out with a teletubby last night in the middle of the street #lifegoals
Nobody cheats on THIS.
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