Either these are mashed potatoes in my pants, or I was drunker than I thought.
So i've def seen the girl running for student body VP getting fingered in a bar.
Instead of centeral air we are getting a margaritaville machine. Thought you would enjoy our logic
I'm concerned you might be passed out on a random rooftop right now. Not concerned enough to do anything about it. Hope you're alive. Goodnight.
What are the odds of finding the one hot Australian dude with erecile dysfunction?
You don't have to believe me. My vagina knows it happened.
We fucked then made friendship bracelets, his mother taught him right!
Hope you had your fill for the summer my friend, because all the cleavage has been put away for the winter. Fear not; it blooms again in May.
I just ate 6 cheeseburgers with some homeless guy. Pretty epic.
Happy cinco de mayo!! Puke filled sombrero in the lawn needs to be picked up and whos never punched my fence boards in half needs to replace those by the way the owner of those panties (see attached photo) anytime you wanna cum over;-) hiii!
In local news, attempts to hide phone from extremely drunk self prove unsuccessful for Dallas woman.
If I learned anything from that one time I saw the last 10 minutes of oprah when they talked about the secret, it is that you project what you receive back. I also have wine.
she is like a cock bee. instead of going from flower to flower she goes from cock to cock
Why don’t they have healthy alcohol yet?
I fished a Couples Masturbation DVD out of somebody’s trash and kept it. That’s how desperate I am.
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